Ofer and I realized something pretty quickly after getting engaged: We will have to get married. This was news to us. When we told people on the trip or over the phone that he had just proposed most people’s first question is “When is the wedding?” I had spent nights dreaming about how Ofer would propose to me. Would he do it in Paris at the top of the Eifel Tower? Would he do it on the cruise with my family in July? Would he put it in some dessert after a nice meal? The ideas were endless (of course, none of them were even close to the surprise that he gave me). But a wedding? That part I hadn’t really thought about and we really had never discussed. BEING married we had talked about. The kind of couple we wanted to be, what he needed from a wife, what I needed from a husband, how we wanted to raise our children. But the actual wedding day…we had failed to discuss. I have to admit I like that about us. We are more concerned about our connection and the kind of relationship and family we want to be dedicated to instead of just some one-day party. Having said that. Now we get to plan a wedding woo, woo!!!

So we started talking about the kind of wedding we wanted; when we wanted to have it and how to make it all work considering we are traveling. Location: Most of Ofer’s family and my extended family is on the East Coast, so we decided would have it there (this sounds like an easy decision but we really wrestled with it). Date: We thought that a good time to do the wedding would be after we were in South America before we headed towards Europe; which put it around April or May, which is a nice time in the New York area. This meant that the Europe part of our trip would be our Honeymoon which we really liked the idea of. I started making lists. This will be of no shock to those that really know me. Lists of wedding colors I liked, lists of bridesmaids and groomsmen, lists of family and friends to attend the wedding, lists of things I needed to make lists for. That’s when the nightmares began. Every night a different dream about messing something up for the wedding. And every morning I woke up with a headache from clenching and grinding my jaw while I was asleep. I had visions of making phone calls to florists while crossing the border into Cambodia and looking at pictures of linens in a rain soaked tent in Africa.

As Ofer and I discussed the kind of venue, amount of people, kind of food, type of music we saw very quickly that it was going to be pretty impossible to plan something of this sort as we traveled. We began our search for the right wedding planner. I know that a lot of girls imagine their wedding day, but as a kid I really just imagined who my husband would be. I knew that to a T (and happened to meet someone who surpassed it), but the wedding day was something I had forgotten to consider. Am I a French country bride, a romantic bride, a silly bride, a vintage bride, an over the top bride?? I found phone numbers for different planners in the Tri-State Area on www.theknot.com. I spoke to about 15 different men and women. Some new to the industry, some veterans and asked as many questions as I could. I looked at pictures from weddings they have put on and spoke with references. The more questions the planners asked the more Ofer and I saw that we very much see eye to eye on what we want and what we don’t want and what is and isn’t important to us for the day.

I had assumed that we would be working with a woman (this is one of those sexist things that go in the opposite direction), she would be creative, strong, clear headed and able to keep me calm. I did speak with some very impressive women who were the heads of companies that looked very impressive. But I also spoke with a few men. There was one man in particular who really stood out for me, his name is Shawn Rabideau. I explained to Ofer that when I spoke with him he made me feel very much at ease. He asked great questions and suggested things that I hadn’t thought about. But after talking with so many people who seemed to offer most of the same services, I became quite overwhelmed by the decision. This would be the person and the company that would have our wedding day in the palm of their hands. I knew that I wouldn’t have the ability to be hands-on in the planning like I had always assumed I would be. This person would be giving me choices to make but considering that we would be in Cambodia, Rwanda, Nepal and Tanzania before the wedding I really had to trust the planner. Ofer was wonderful. We talked about the fees for each person, the feeling I had gotten from them and he was with me for a second call to a few of them. Then he told me to go with my gut. He said the most important thing was that the planner was easy to talk to and made me feel calm. Do I have a great fiancé or what?

My gut was telling me to go with Shawn Rabideau. He was very straightforward, asked intriguing questions, was not pushy and really seemed to want to understand who we were. I told him that I had chosen Shawn and Ofer and I shook on it so I couldn’t change my mind after having made the decision. We called Shawn to let him know that we wanted to move ahead. After that last talk with Shawn I was convinced that we had chosen a great wedding planner. He took another hour with us to ask more questions and make sure that we were a fit for him too, which I really appreciated. I was so excited to talk with him more, hear about his ideas and see him when we are in NY in July to start checking out venues, food, music, flowers etc. You can check out his website at www.shawnRabideau.com How exciting!!

I emailed my friend Leah to tell her that we had chosen a planner. It has to be said that Leah is a wedding guru. No joke. She knows everything there is to know about weddings. Since getting engaged she has sent me 2-3 emails a day about flowers, dresses, great wedding websites, venues. I looooove it. Soon after I sent her the email with Shawn’s name she wrote back something along the lines of, “Wow, great timing! I’m sure Shawn’s popularity is going to shoot through the roof after the show airs”. What show????? Apparently there is a show on the Bravo Network right now that is called “Bethenny Getting Married?” a spin off from “The Real Housewives of New York”. Bethenny lives in NY and is planning a wedding (while pregnant) in 4 weeks and guess whom she picked to be her planner??? Shawn Rabideau!!


Ofer and I were shocked to say the least. We had no idea. I had been doing research about planners for weeks and Leah had 3 minutes with his name and figured this out, she is nuts. We searched online and yup, it was true, our Shawn was her planner. By the way, Bethenny is a piece of work; I like her energy and her honesty but this is a hormone-ridden woman who wants Shawn to put together a wedding that really takes at least a year to plan in 4 weeks. Brave dude. Not only is he working with a 6 month-pregnant, NY raised bride for a rushed wedding he is doing it with cameras rolling fully aware that TV networks need drama to sell their show. He must have known he was in for a bumpy ride, but I’m sure the exposure will be well worth it, smart guy. Our confidence in Shawn shot through the roof. If he can handle her, he can handle anything. That night we got to watch our wedding planner on TV, honestly, who gets to do that!

We knew that we wanted to pick one island to stay on for a longer period to take some relaxation time without feeling like we were running out of time to see everything that island had to offer. We picked Kauai as that destination. We had heard that it was the most lush of the islands with prices that were a little cheaper than the other islands. We stayed at the Kauai Beach Resort. It was exactly what we wanted. It had 4 pools with waterfalls, 2 jaccuzis, beach access, a restaurant (with happy hour), gym, spa and a bar with nightly live bands. We loved it. We were there for a total of 10 nights.


Usually we went sightseeing one day and took the next day to relax. One of the things we did was take a kayak with a guide on the Wailua River to visit “Secret Falls”. We loved kayaking, it was something we would definitely do again. I have to admit it took us a bit to get our stride going. I know both of us were thinking if we can’t work together on this kayak, the next 19 months are going to be tough. We had to learn how to work together. After accusing Ofer a few times of deliberately trying to steer us into the bushes we started to get the hang of things. I don’t know what this says about my skills but it seemed like we went faster and straighter when I wasn’t rowing. My bad.





We docked our boats and took a hike a mile or so to the falls. It was clear to us that the ‘secret’ about “Secret Falls” is that everyone on the island knows about it. We were there with probably about 30 other people and their guides; this was easily the most inhabited waterfall we had been to so far in Hawaii. Of course Ofer swam to the waterfall and sat under it. This one was 140 feet into shallow water so jumping off of it wasn’t an option. The walk to and from the waterfall was incredible. Our guide showed us how the rivers and streams had been diverted in different directions to reduce or increase water flow for the ancient Hawaiian’s needs. They created fresh water baths for their kings and queens and directed specific amounts water over certain crops to keep their hydration regulated.


The area that we were walking in was just east of the wettest area in the world called Mount Waiʻaleʻale. Our guide told us stories of flash floods that have traveled through the areas we were walking in. Large trees had been uprooted and broken in half. It was incredible to imagine the kind of power the water must had had. We could see staining on the rocks showing different water levels at different times. Our Hawaiian trip has certainly given us an appreciation for the power of water.

Another thing about Kauai is that there are chickens and roosters everywhere! They were at our hotel, on the side of the road, by the waterfalls even at the tops of the cliffs overlooking canyons. Seeing chickens everywhere really brought me back to my childhood days when we would raise chicks into chickens in our backyard. I chased them, learned the best way to catch them and took them on the swing with me. Yep, I was that kid. I also do an incredible chicken imitation; ask Ofer and my parents, its true. Ofer got to see a lot of that in Kauai; I was lucky he gave me the ring before he saw my version of a deranged one-eye chicken with a bad leg. Classy.



We also had a lot of downtime in Kauai. I spent a lot of that time doing research on wedding planning. But we also lay by the pool, watched soccer, went swimming, had Mai Tais and listened to the live bands in the bar. One night we had a mini photo shoot in our room before going out for dinner. Ofer had been growing a beard since the start of the trip and was increasingly reminding me of a Neanderthal. He decided to shave it and of course documented the moment. The goatee was pretty good; I was surprised I like it. The mustache was the scariest thing I had ever seen, he looked like a mix between Luigi from Super Mario Bros and a serial rapist. I refused to kiss him before he shaved.



One of our last days in Kauai we drove to another waterfalls that we had heard about. Ofer decided that because he had swam in so many waterfalls on this trip that he didn’t need to swim in this one too so he didn’t bring his suit. It was the twin falls from the show “Fantasy Island”. It was the most powerful waterfall we could be that close to. We stood up by the road and were about to go back to the car when we overheard someone point out that there were people in the water below. We looked over the edge and saw tiny little people hundreds of feet below us walking into the water. Ofer had to do it despite not having a suit. I was nervous letting him go by himself but we had heard that the path down was steep and I didn’t trust the shoes I had on for that kind of a hike. Someone told me that I looked like I was in labor passing back and forth waiting for Ofer to appear down below. Then someone else walked by and asked me if I had seen that there was a guy swimming in the water. I told him, that the guy swimming was most likely mine. And sure enough, it was. Ofer had safely made it down and was among the other tiny specs swimming in the water and waving his arms at me. He stayed down there for a least an hour and took some incredible pictures and videos.

Our first night in Hilo, Hawaii (the big island), I had the opportunity to do everything I absolutely despise all at the same time. This is for you Annabel! You wanted to hear about the awful times on the trip too so you knew that our journey wasn’t all sunshine and lollipops. Well here’s a winner:

Ofer and I had heard of a boat trip that takes you along the shore of the Big Island to view the coastline of the Lava Tree National Park. We were told that if we were lucky we would be able to see not only the amazing lava formations and some of the most rare terrain but maybe even some lava actively flowing into the ocean. (Disclaimer: if you are the mother of either of the trip participants it is suggested that you wait for the next blog entry to continue reading.) This was all we were told. It was a pricey trip but we were so excited to catch a glimpse of the molten rock gushing over the cliffs and spewing shards of glass as it crashed into the water. (This trip is for boys (and girls who are into this sort of thing of course)….and I would have given anything to have replaced me with Asi or Eli for this excursion.)

After getting quite lost looking for the docking site we finally pulled up to see a group of families standing under an awning trying to stay out of the rain…yes rain, it gets better. Just then our guide started a disclaimer. “This is a real ocean, this is a real boat and the principles of both apply. If you all run to one side of the boat, it will flip (Oh crap). The ocean will get bumpy, I promise you will get wet (This is sounding worse and worse). Is anyone prone to sea sickness?” I raised both arms. He looked at me with a smirk and moved on, “Those of you who are brave enough to even be here, it is your best bet to sit on the left side of the boat toward the back, that is the ocean side instead of the coast side and it should be less bumpy there. But when you are ready to make your ‘donation’ to the ocean please do so off the side of the boat and as far toward the back as possible. Sea sickness will travel faster through this boat than swine flu, so try to show as few people what you are up to.” This was clearly not the leisurely cruise Ofer and I had expected. We both knew by this time that this was only going to be good for a story.

We climbed up a ladder to board the boat, I said to the man holding the ladder, “Here’s hoping I’m not memorable”. The boat was then lowered backwards into the ocean. I said to Ofer, “If we really want to I’m sure we can still jump out here and live”. But we both were hoping that it wouldn’t be as bad as we were anticipating. The age span on the boat ranged from 9 years old to 75 years old. A 75-year-old grandma was on the boat! If she could do it, so could I. I had made the wise decision to take a Meclizine pill an hour before as a test to see what this new version of Dramamine would do for me.



Then the boat began charging into the ocean. The next two hours were very likely two of the worst of my life. As we began trailing the coastline 2 tour guides stood in the back of the boat and yelled data at us military style. We heard about all of the earthquakes that happen in this region. We heard about the pieces of the cliff that unexpectedly break off and crash into the ocean causing a surging wave (right at us of course). We heard about how many people had died in boating excursions, in fishing excursion, in beaching excursions when tidal waves came in and swept them clear into the abyss. We heard about the homes that have been lost over the years due to the continuous flow of lava throughout the region. We were told how deep these waters were, that if the water were cleared below us it would be as if we were in an airplane looking down at the earth. We were told stories about people being chased and eaten by sharks in these areas or being bashed into the sides of the cliffs by the force of the waves…the waves that never stop, never slow down that are relentless in their power (Awesome, I was ready to go home).

Maybe, just maybe if I didn’t have an incredible disposition to seasickness I would have enjoyed the view. It was beautiful (in retrospect), there were slabs of cooled lava that looked like giant black ice cubes as if they had been cut by a razor sharp knife. There were holes and tunnels created by the lava. Some were large enough that the men of the villages would hide their women and children in them when the area was being attacked or when there was a tornado or hurricane.


There were smaller tunnels that acted as lava blowholes. The lava would be churned from the center of the earth and forced out of the blowholes like giant garden hoses spewing lava 20 feet away into the ocean. There were also strings of lava dripping down the sides of the cliff. As lava is still flowing upwards it encounters already hardened lava and it squeezes its way through to make different sized strings, I imagine it like a play dough spaghetti maker.

The captain would bring us in pretty close to the seaside, what felt like one wave away from certain death to view the formations. Unfortunately (maybe fortunately) we did not see any active lava flows but we were able to see steam escaping from different areas on the cliffs and red tinted rocks that seemed to be glowing with the heat from inside of the earth. At one point I started to smell something burning and at that certain patch of the ocean we felt a dramatic change in temperature. The guides confirmed that we must be close to some lava activity although we could not see it. They said that the land we were looking at was like Swiss cheese; filled will different sized holes that the lava was flowing through just beneath the surface.


As I said, this all would have been incredibly breathtaking had I not been trying to control my body’s natural reactions the whole time. The boat was being pounded by the waves and we were being splashed with water. Every minute or so the crowd on the boat would give a shriek in unison as the boat slapped down after flying off a large wave. I kept my head turned at a comfortable angle toward land and thought about the wedding, thought about our engagement, thought about being in bed in the hostel and tried to convince myself that I was watching this on National Geographic. Ofer was wonderful and would check in on me every ten minutes or so to see how I was doing. Unfortunately I was in the rarely reached shock phase that I couldn’t answer him verbally and would only give him a head nod. I couldn’t tell at this time whether he was enjoying the trip or not. He was going back and forth between taking videos, pictures and holding on to the handrail with two hands just as I was.

After about an hour and a half we turned around to head home. This is when things really got rough. We were now on the coast side, the bumpy side. It was getting dark and the ocean was unforgiving. I felt like I was driving a jet ski with my eyes closed. Almost every wave became an opportunity for the ship to get air-bound, which was followed by a sudden pound back into the ocean. I could hear the guides right behind me acknowledging the roughness of the waves.



They started to tell us about one other time that was worse than this, there was lightning on both sides of the boat as they were being thrown around the ocean just as we were now…so I suppose it really could have been worse. After what seemed to be a lifetime we saw the red beacon showing that we were almost home. Ofer rubbed my shoulders and said, “We made it baby”. I asked him what he thought of the trip, expecting him to say it was awesome, incredible, once in a lifetime experience and instead he told me “A total nightmare”. I love my fiancé. Although Ofer is not one to get seasick he said this was a real test for his stomach too. We drove back into town talking about what a terrible night we had and how we are just not built for the ocean. Even the next morning we still felt seasick. As I told Ofer, “I am glad that on this trip I was freezing, pummeled by waves, got sick to my stomach and heard stories mostly about ways to die on this island in one shot. I now will feel no guilt in saying I don’t want to deliberately sign up for any of those things again on this trip”.

The next day we decided to take it easy, we deserved it!! We went to a botanical garden and it definitely restored our love of The Big Island.